Lasts

The binaya besties

Today is it- my last day here. Fittingly marked by me getting the flu and puking my guts out this morning. I'm actually not even sure if I'll make it on my flight, I'm feeling pretty miserable right now.

This last week has been one of the longest of my life- I was talking to Katie about it earlier and we agreed that we have been experiencing the half life phenomena here, with every day getting exponentially longer. Perhaps it's the conclusion of Arabic classes (alhamdulillah, so done with waking up at 6:30 for class!), perhaps it's the slow trickling out of everyone in the program, perhaps it's the fact that as my life in Amman comes to a close I feel less compelled to have one last hurrah.

Everything here is this uneasy shade of last- is this my last time seeing this person? My last visit to downtown? My last death-defying taxi drive? I'm not sure. It is, for now, I suppose. I'm going back to the States, finishing college. But perhaps I will be back, and what I thought was my last will turn into one of many.

Last night we were talking about returning to the "real world"- that is, returning home, back to life as we knew it before coming here. I don't know if I agree that that's the real world. Life here has been so much more demanding, thrilling, and challenging than anything from my "real life" back home, and it feels a little insulting to reduce it to a study abroad bubble isolated from the real world.

Returning home seems so daunting right now. While cleaning last week Katie found a penny in her room and gave it to me to look at. It seemed so foreign, so strange, and I had to put it down after a few seconds because it was overwhelming me a little too much. Something as mundane as a penny. I'm worried my next few weeks readjusting will be like that- overstimulating, overwhelming with something that is so foreign yet familiar.

I'd probably be lying if I said this was the best experience I've ever had. Some of it has been really shitty. But I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't going to miss life here.

It's been real, Amman. I wish you luck in the future.